My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
