Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This is my gift to your gina
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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