i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
