her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize