Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize