There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
