So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
