Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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