my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
