I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
