At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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