I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
