that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
