he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
