I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
