You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think people are normalizing furries
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize