I hope mine doesn't look like that
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
