It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She just used a chaser for red wine.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
