I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
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they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
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I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂