Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
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She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I wish there were birth control emojis
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I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.