Texts From Last Night

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  (210): View more from Texas

  Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.

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  (210): Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl. http://tfl.nu/ha6v
  Replies (6) Good night (674) Bad night (1589) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.

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  (804): remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt. http://tfl.nu/2ukp
  Replies (9) Good night (701) Bad night (3265) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.

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  (608): Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex. http://tfl.nu/iq87
  Replies (19) Good night (5117) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.

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  (919): i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment. http://tfl.nu/f76z
  Replies (48) Good night (528) Bad night (4947) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work

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  (510): stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work http://tfl.nu/9l6e
  Replies (20) Good night (7133) Bad night (1396) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.

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  (336): They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up. http://tfl.nu/5b65
  Replies (5) Good night (4062) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.

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  (260): It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs. http://tfl.nu/yz88
  Replies (14) Good night (1063) Bad night (4410) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.

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  (479): They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless. http://tfl.nu/hmfp
  Replies (9) Good night (2995) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?

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  (734): Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold? http://tfl.nu/ybs2
  Replies (7) Good night (2982) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.

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  (504): Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone. http://tfl.nu/v2z6
  Replies (14) Good night (2859) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina

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  (636): she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina http://tfl.nu/0ynp
  Replies (23) Good night (7161) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault

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  (541): We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault http://tfl.nu/ovjn
  Replies (4) Good night (2762) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar

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  (909): I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar http://tfl.nu/dhbh
  Replies (5) Good night (1568) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.

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  (845): I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break. http://tfl.nu/bwgw
  Replies (3) Good night (1650) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.

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  (651): You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work. http://tfl.nu/ixce
  Replies (4) Good night (1483) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt

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