I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
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I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.