I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
