I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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