By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think i have two assholes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
