I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
