I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
