I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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