I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
