what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
