obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
