Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
