I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
