We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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