fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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