I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
