There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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