GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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