You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
