Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
