Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
