that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
