The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
