ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
