i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
