I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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