I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
