I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
