Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
