I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
