Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
