My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
