Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
