even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
