her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
