Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
