I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
