you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
