its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
