I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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