sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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