Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
