That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
