you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
