at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
