I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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