I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
